Love & Lie
by Hasegawa
Summary: The making of Love between Russia and CHina. Should I believe you? Could I? Pairings: Russia X China.


I wanna write this so badly...

summary: the making of love between Russia and China. In my opinion.

disclaimer: definitely not mine.

pairings: Russia X China. (like i could make any different pairings a story full of angst like this)

Enjoy!

* * *

I blame everything on everything we are.

Why am I a nation named China and you a nation named Russia? Why do we need to conquer each other? Why do we cover ourselves with scars from the wars? Why do we smile to each other, playing the so called politics and bluntly denied our own feelings? Why do we need to lie when actually… the feelings weren't lies? Why couldn't we believe each other? Why am I panting here, underneath you, my love, my undying affection, and whispering words of love, while we both knew that we don't believe every single thing we said?

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

It was our real feeling. It is our real affection. It is the real feeling inside my chest, almost exploding because I just couldn't content anymore… how much I love you. So much, so much, it overflowing, it almost exploded in my chest. My chest became tight. Listen! I am really telling the truth! I love you!!!!

But we both know that we couldn't believe each other. We are born to conquer each other. The first to surrender will fade away from the earth's surface. I couldn't believe your _'I love you too'_ statement as you also couldn't believe my '_I love you'_. It might be just a pillow talk; it might be just a seduced line so that the other nation will believe you blindly and followed your wishes. It might be a trap to make the other party surrender to the vague concept of love, the so-called wonderful feeling, which makes a person weak and defenceless against his lover. That's why we couldn't believe what other party was whispering between the panting from our united bodies; just because we simply afraid to believe.

And we didn't understand ourselves too. We had turned against our own feelings since the war ended. Feelings bring nothing but misery… we learned the hard way to follow our brain rather than heart. We started to forget how a simple touch could bring the satisfaction of the so called love. That's why we are pinning each other on bed, touching as much as we could, entering and receiving as deep as we could reach, panting as loud as we can. Just because we had already forgotten how a touch could say I love you, inaudibly but honestly.

You entered my body, filled me to my end. I am no woman, my friend, my love… I admit it hurts a bit. Like something was suddenly penetrating my body without my consent. Which is bull shit, of course, because I was the one invited you in and you asked before hand too, whether I was sure or not to let you in. But we both know we need to have a contact—of any kind—just to make sure we are still with each other, and not a ghost nation.

The pain turned to sensation, sensual. It's a brain mechanism that fooled itself, trying to comprehend the unbearable pain with a feeling of sensuality so that we could believe we _wanted_ this, we _like_ this, we _love_ this. The pain turned into addiction. Just like how a slave turned misery into loyalty, my mind turned this pain into something called desire. I don't think that I am the only one wincing from pain. I know you too. You are too big to enter such a small entrance of mine. You winced, but you still get in, forcing yourself, pushing your most sensitive body member just to connect with mine. Like an electric plug. As firm as you can. So the electric sensation between us could be connected completely. So that we could share the feeling of being loved and loving others. Just to make sure I am here, with you.

Those arms around me were awkward and harsh, but yet so gentle in intention. You hold my head in your arms just because you don't want it to hit the wall repeatedly when you thrust in me. I feel the protectiveness you radiated through your body, which bend over me, covering me, so that when we are in our most vulnerable state, you still shield me against all odds. We are in the middle of war; a sudden stray bullet through the roof is a usual incident. You protected me against it with your own body. Which made me feel so secure, so happy, so _loved_…

"_I love you." _

"_I love you too." _

We repeated the words. We knew we couldn't believe it either. We whispered our inaudible feelings through the liquid. It sprayed onto our chest, my desire. It spread into my body, your desire. Both made us lost our consciousness for a second.

I love you.

I love you too.

I smiled and cried into the muscular arms around me. Why couldn't I say my real feeling to you?

Why am I not… a woman, at least?

* * *

My love, my Chinese doll. My beautiful wife, my neighbour. The 4000 years old wise man from the East. My lovely beautiful bride. If only you are a woman, if only you are not China. If only you are not so proud…

Become one with me. I wanted to say that, but we both know the answer. He wouldn't surrender to me. Although I pinned him down like this, winning his lips and body, bitting and enjoying every inch of his body. Delicate hips, silky skin, beautiful chest, filled me with giddiness. I want everything. I want every inch, every hair, every moan.

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too." _

It's a lie we both said to each other. Well, mine wasn't a real lie. It is the truth. But I couldn't believe his statement… maybe Yao just want to make me happy by saying that. I didn't think that he would say that to me honestly, from his heart. Those 'I love you' s statements of his only came from his red lips just because he thought I like it. Just to make me even fall more into his trap. So that he could control me.

But I, Russia, will not be controlled by anyone.

So I returned the favour, _I love you too_. The key word is '_too'_. By that, I mean, I adore you too, well maybe it's a lie too, I don't really understand it, so whatever you mean by the '_I love you'_ statement I will return it to you in same amount. _Too_.

If you want to conquer me, I want to own you too.

If you want to make me surrender in your clutch, I want to make you succumb in my hands too.

If you want me to think that I am loved, then I will make you think you are loved too.

If you want to make me weak, then I will hold your weakness too, and together, we shall be weak.

If you really meant the sentence, then… I really meant mine too.

_I love you. _

You bite my finger, facilitating the pain I inflicted when I penetrated you. I know you are hurt, you don't seem like you enjoy this as much as I do. My thing is too big for you, my Chinese bride. It's thrice, or maybe even ten times bigger than your entrance. But that excites me. That made me craved more. The harder for me to get in, the more I want to break you down. And I, for once, thanked you God, Tian, for He made you so string yet delicate at the same time. Strong enough to receive my powerful thrust, but delicate enough to moan… and enjoyed the thrust.

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too." _

I don't get it why should we keep lying like that. I want honesty. For me, I have shown my raw honesty when I slipped my tongue inside your entrance. If I don't love you, my delicate bride, why would I lick another man's ass literally? When I am the Great Russia-sama. The one who will make people licked my feet, not the reverse. If I don't love you, my beautiful wife, I wouldn't even consider sucking your breast. A chest so flat it almost resembled the tundra in my country. Nothing will be gained if I sucked, yet the moan was enough to addict me.

Don't talk anymore… I don't want to exchange lies anymore. What I want to be is your shield, your prince, your husband. Look, I am big enough to protect you. I am gentle enough to make you moan in pleasure. I am fierce enough to make you think you need me. Please… smile for me? Be honest with me?

Ah… we came. He came on my chest. Warm, whitish liquid. And I came inside his body. Entrance. Heaven.

We connected to each other. We have each other. We… we love each other.

So please don't say anything.

Words mean nothing if you don't mean it.

But you cried. I felt dejected. Why? Didn't I love you properly? Did I hurt you? Did you regret this? Do you not like having me inside your body? Why? Why???

Wasn't I gentle? Didn't I protect you well enough?

Tell me, Yao. Tell me.

* * *

I love them. I do.

would you like to tell me what you think about this story?


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